she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
