Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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