The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
