remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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