i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
