Christians are straight up FREAKS
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dicks are not precious.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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