i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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