I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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