she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
