Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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