yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
