Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They have beer where we have blood.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
