so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
