She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
