oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
