so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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