everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
