Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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