then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
