dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
