A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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