Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
