If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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