Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
