I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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