never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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