we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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