Christians are straight up FREAKS
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
