he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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