i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
