We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
