If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
