If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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