Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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