Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
bring money and cleavage
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
