I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
