I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
