If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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