So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
