so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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