hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
