I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
