You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
