Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As shirtless as possible
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
