Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
