I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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