when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
