Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
