you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
