How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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